I’ve been meaning to write a post of my thoughts and learning of becoming a mother of three. But part of me is not yet ready to open up my feelings to others. My husband knows my frustrations. Sometimes I envied mothers who makes things easier for them.
While me on the other hand needs a lot of adjustment and improvement.
Please don’t judge me by my messy hair, or my ngarag look. Our house seems to be a mess, no matter how many times a day I tidy up the toy room. A crib has taken our family room to keep my curious Inigo from smothering his baby sister when she is not in our arms. We are still on the process of “gentle”.
There are days that this beautiful baby girl is very fussy especially when she can’t get her sleep. She can cry for two straight hours.And I got so frustrated that I don’t know how will I pacify her. In the end we are both crying.
I was stressed about having the energy to make it through the day being the best mommy I can possibly be. There is guilt… lots of it… as I try to maintain the focus and love with my two boys and not lose my patience when they are fighting over one toy or worst when Angelo is acting up when he’s eating his food.
But, if you could see inside my heart – inside my spirit – you would see a consuming love blossoming as I digest this beautiful new life I am so blessed to live as a mother of three. You would see my anxiety of time passing as I try to enjoy these precious moments with a newborn because I know too well how quickly this stage of his life will pass.
Most of all, you would see the gratitude I feel every single day. I know I will look back on this time of my life, some of it probably being somewhat of a blur… and wish to have just one more day with my little babies. I know there will be many times in the coming years where I will question my abilities as a mother, but I also know deep down I am meant to be their mom… this is more fulfilling than I ever imagined. They have filled a very special part of my heart.
I may not get it right today. I may have already made a mistake.
Said something I regret.
Did something I regret.
But the thing about motherhood.
There’s never a perfect one.
I guess I just have to try again — to put kindness and love before power and authority
Listening and Doing
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.